The stress associated with having a child with Autism during the holidays can be overwhelming and challenging. If you factor in the sensory issues, allergies, potty training, and the hyperactivity...the holidays end up not being that enjoyable and they turn into something you just try to get through.
Although this year we will still face many challenges....we have many Christmas blessings to be thankful for!! David is potty trained!!! After 7 years, this is the first Christmas I do not need to bring diapers and wipes. Just this accomplishment in itself makes the holidays brighter!
This past week at school, David was passing his gifts out to his teachers as he said... HO, HO, HO!! It just brings a smile to my face knowing David has words! This is the first Christmas in 7 years that David can say, "I love you, Mama"!!!
This morning, David came in our room and laid next to me and cuddled. He grabbed my arm to wrap around him. I hugged him so tight and did not want to let go. Tears welled in my eyes, realizing what a precious moment this was. These moments are amazing and I am super grateful that we have so many Christmas Blessing to be thankful for this year!! Merry Christmas!!
I was looking through some old journals I had written and although this is hard to share, I think it is important to share at the same time. When you have a child with Autism...their are many struggles you will deal with and when you experience sleep deprivation things really seem to complicate your mind.....I am grateful that things are much better now....but they were not always this way
How many hours a day am I supposed to listen to him scream and be OK with it?
When am I allowed to break down and be human?
4 hours, 6 hours, please let me know, because sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to be this superhuman
I need to make sure all the supplements are ordered, that he gets each one at the right time each day
I need to make sure gluten, casein, soy, and corn never touch his lips, not even his hands
I need to make sure he's happy
I need to make sure he's not wet
I need to make sure he is engaged in educational activities
All at the same time I'm trying to meet the needs of his brother, running a household, keeping my marriage intact
When am I allowed to be something other than an Autism mom?
When do I get to sleep through the night and not listen to him scream for hours on end?
When do I not have to be hurt by my 6 year old or watch him harm himself or his brother?
When am I allowed to break down and not be looked at as weak?
When do I get to think about myself?Just a little bit...
>
When will I not be judged so harshly when I lose my cool and yell at my son?
Remember I am human and running on 3 hours of sleep after listening to my son scream for over 6 hours, while he hurts himself and won't let me help him
How do I just listen and not help him? I want to help him, but he keeps pushing me
away...do you know how awful that feels...especially because I have no idea what's wrong...he can't tell me...he doesn't have words yet.....I wish he had words....I wish he had words
Please tell me this gets easier....I don't want to watch my son in pain anymore
Please stop looking and staring....you have no idea what we have been through or where we are going
His scream pierces through every inch of my body
Please let me be human......
